Santa Banta Hindi Chutkule
50th Anniversery Par Pati Ne 15 Hazar Rupay,
Ki Keemat Ka Ek Aisa Night Gawan Patni Ko Gift Kiya,
Jisme Se Sab Kuch Dikhai Deta Tha,
Raat Mein Patni Usse Pehana Bhool Gayi Pati Ne Patni Par,
Ek Sharart Bhari Nazar Dali Aur Bola,
Are – 15 Hazaar Rupay Le Liye Aur Kambakhat Ne Gaun Par Press Bhi Nahi Ki.
~~~~~
Pati Patni Jinki Haal Mein Shadi Hui Thi Ghumne Nikle,
Raste Mein Dekha Kuch Gadhe Khade Hai,
Pati Ne Kaha- Dekho Wehh Gadha Hai Aur Gadhi Malum Hote Hai,
Patni – To Kya Gadhe Bhi Shaadi Karte Hai,
Pati- Haan Bas Gadhe Hi To Shaadi Karte Hai.
~~~~~
Pati Ne Patni Se Kaha – Main Mar Jaun, To Tum Sati Ho Jaogi,
Uski Baat Ansuni Karke Hue Boli- Aji Aap Apna Karam,
Karo. Meri Chinta Chod Do.
~~~~~
Pati – Are Bhai Mehman Aane Wale Hai Aur Ghar Mai Jhadu Tak Nahi Lagi,
Patni- Apne Hi To Kaha Tha Jab Tak Main Is Ghar Mein,
Hoon Tumhe Kisi Baat Ki Fikar Karne Ki Jarurat Nahi.
~~~~~
Bimar Pati Patni Doctor Ke Paas Le Gayi,
Uska Pura Chequp Karne Ke Baad Doctor Ne Patni Ko,
Alag Mein Le Ja Kar Kaha- Agar Yahi Haal Raha To Jaldi Hi Mar Jayenge,
Lekin Agar Inhe Thik Se Khiloge Piloge, Rojana Exercise Karoge,
Aur Inhe Tanav N Hone Denge To Yeh Jaldi Hi Thik Ho Jayenge,
Patni Jab Pati Ke Paas Aye To Usne Pucha : Kya Kaha Doctor Ne,
Yahi Ki Tum Jaldi Hi Sawarg Sidharne Wale Ho.
~~~~~
Ek Nojawan Ne Apne Ghayal Dost Ko Dekha To Usne Pucha,
Ye Khopadi Kisne Khol Di Bhai Naam Bata,
Dost : Are Koi Kaise Khol Dega Meri Khopadi Ko,
Meine Khud Lad Bhib Kar Khulwayi Hai.
Raat Ke Samay Khana Khane Ke Baad Chinki Ko Mirch Lag Gai Boli,
Mummy Thodi Si Chini De Do Beti Raat Ko Chini Nahi Khate,
Dant Mein Kide Laqg Jate Hai, Chinki- Oh, Ishi Wajah Se,
Dada Ji Apne Daant Mooh Se Nikal Kar Alag Rakhte Hai.
~~~~~
Judge – Tum Sadak Par Chalne Walo Ka Dhyan Nahi Rakhte,
Bar-Bar Tumhe Ishi Apradh Mein Yahan Laya Jata Hai,
Ab Do Saal Ke Liye Tumhara Driving License Radd Kiya Jata Hai,
Truck Driver- Hujur Meri Zindzgi Isi Par Nibhar Hai,
Judge- Par Sadak Par Chalne Walo Ki Zindzgi Bhi To Isi Par Nibhar Hai.
~~~~~
Samne Sadak Par Ek Bike Wale Ko Bachane Ke Liye Bus Driver Ne,
Jhatke Se Apni Bus Ko Ghumaya Aur Footpat Ke Upar Chada Diya,
Char Saal Ke Bache Ne Kaha- Malum Hota Hai Bus Ko Chakar Aa Gaya.
~~~~~
Santa Santo Se – Mein Ek Munch Par Geet Ga Raha Tha,
Ki Kisi Ne Jutta Fenk Diya Santo-Phir Tumne Kya Kiya ,
Santa- Kya Karta Ek Jutta To Mere Liye Bekar Hi Tha,
Meine Turant Ek Aur Geet Ga Diya.
~~~~~
Naukrani – Malkin Mujhe Ek Mahine Ki Chutti Chaiye,
Malkin- Are, Yeh Kaise Ho Sakta Hai, Unka Kaam Kaun Karega,
Unka Bistar Kaun Lagayega, Khana Kaun Banayega,
Naukrani- Agar Aise Baat Hai To Aap,
Fikar Na Karo Malkin, Main Sahab Ko Apne Sath Le Jati Hu.
Hindi Chutkule in Hindi Language
Raat Ko Doctor Ke Ghar Talephone Ki Ghanti Baji,
Mareej Bola – Doctor Shab Mare Khassi To Bilkul Band Ho Gayi,
Lekin Saans Bohat Teji Se Chal Rahi Hai,
Doctor Sahab- Phikar N Karo, Subah Tak Weh Bhi Band Ho Jayegi.
~~~~~
Santa – Santo Rehne Ke Liye Makan Dekhne Gaye,
Yeh Makan To Bohat Accha Hai Par Rasoi To Hai Hi Nahi,
Waise Makan Ka Kiraya Kitna Hai,
Makan Malik Bola – Ji Sirf 5000 Rupay,
Santa- Tab To Thik Hai, Hamare Paas Rasoi Mein,
Kuch Pakane Ke Liye Paise Hi Kaha Bachenge.
~~~~~
Bacha – Mummy Aaj Papa Ne Meri Puppy Nahi Li,
Mummy- Tumne Ginti Nahi Sunayi Hogi,
Bacha- To Kya Mummy, Hamari Naukarani Papa Ko Roj Ginti Sunati Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Aadmi Ne Ek Shadi Mein Aayi Sundar Ladki Se Aankhe Char,
Karna Shuru Kar Diya, Iss Par Ladki Ne Kaha – Aapke Sir Ke Baal,
Safed Ho Gaye Hai Aur Aap Ishq Farma Rahe Hai?
Aadmi Ne Jawab Diya- Agar Upar Safed Rakh Najar Aaye To Kya Hua,
Niche Lagi Aag Ka Andaaza To Laga Ke Dekho Ek Baar.
~~~~~
Kuch Aadmi Naukri Ke Liye Mantri Ji Ke Paas Gaye Aur,
Bole – Mantriji Hame Kaam Chaye,
Mantri Ji Ne Sabhi Ko Ek-Ek Iodex Ki Shishi Pakdhate,
Hua Kaha- Iodex Maliye Kaam Par Chaliye.
Garahak- Tu Khate Ho, Angur Aur Kaddu Ki Sabji Hai,
Par Isme Angur To Nazar Hi Nahi Aa Rahe Hai,
Hotel Ka Malik- Hum Iss Sabji Mein 50% Angur Dalte Hai,
Matlab Ek Kaddu Aur Ek Angur.
~~~~~
106 Saal Ke Ek Aadmi Se Ek Aadmi Ne Pucha,
100 Saal Se Jyada Jeene Ka Kya Raaz Hai,
Mein Rozana Ek Glass Juice Peta Hu Bas, Yahi Karan Hai,
Ek Aur Karan Hai. Maine Titanic Jahaj Se Jane Ka Ticket Cancel Kra Diya Tha.
~~~~~
Ek Netaji Ko Football Match Ke Final Mein Inaam,
Dene Ke Liye Bulaya Gaya, Inaam Ke Baad Unhone Bhasan,
Mein Badhe Dukhi Aur Gambir Saval Mein Kaha,
“Mujhe Afsos Hai Ki Final Mein Keval Do Hi Team Kheli,
Mujhe Ummid Hai Ki Aage Final Mein 20-20 Team Bhag Legi,
Tabhi Humare Desh Mein Khel Ki Taraki Hogi.
~~~~~
Train Mein Safar Karte Hua Ek Musafir Ne Dekha Ki Uski Seat Ke,
Upar Ek Bhari Baksha Thik Se Nahi Rakha Hua Hai,
Vah Dar Kar Pass Wale Se Bola – Bhai Shab Yah Baksha Upar Aapka Hai,
Ise Thik Se Rakhiye Warna Yah Hum Par Ger Jayega,
Musafir : Aap Bilkul Mat Ghabraye Is Bakshe Mein Tutne Wali Koi Cheez Nahi.
~~~~~
Ghar Par T.V Par Cricket Match Dekh Rahe The Comentary Bhi Aa Rahi Thi,
Santa – Ne Mummy Se Pucha Yeh Shot Leg Ka Kya Matlab Hai?
Mummy – Chup, Langdo Ki Hashi Nahi Udate Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Pada Likha Aadmi Apne Dehati Dost Se Milla To Bohat,
Jor-Jor Se Rone Cheekane Laga,
Dehati Ne Pucha- Kyu Rote Ho?
Uske Dost Ne Rote Hua Kaha- Mere Bete Ka Heart Fail Ho Gaya Hai,
Dehati Bola- Ishme Rone Ki Kya Baat Hai, Agle Saal Paas Ho Jayega.
Santa Banta Jokes in Hindi
Fauji Ne Taare Chand Se Pucha : Yaar Shadi Ke Liye Ladki,
Ka Hath Hi Kyu Mangte Hai, Pair Kyun Nahi Mangte,
Taare Chand – Sidhi Si Baat Hai Hath Me Ghadi, Kangan,
Anguthi Wagerah Hoti Hai Magar Pairo Me Chapal Hoti Hai.
~~~~~
Maa- Beti Mere Liye To Ek Achi Moti Se Roti Banakar Rakh Dena,
Beti- Kyu Mummy Moti Kyu? Aapko To Patli Roti Pasand Hai Na,
Maa – Haan Beti Par Uss Marjane Doctor Ne Wajan Kam Karne Ke Liye,
Sirf Ek Hi Roti Khane Ke Liye Kaha Hai.
~~~~~
Maa Ne Preeti Se Kaha- Beti Teri Shadi Ke Liye Humne Do Ladke Pasand Kiye,
Ek Doctor Hai, Dushra Advocate Hai,
Preeti – Maa Mein To Cricketer Se Shadi Karna Pasand Karungi,
Kyuki Ghar Maein Naukar N Hone Par Wo Choka To Laga Sakega.
~~~~~
Ramesh Apni Premika Kanta Ko Bhadhuri Ke Karname Sunate Hua,
Are Us Waqaqt To Halat Yah Thi Ki Mein Marunga Ya Sher Mare,
Dono Mein Se Ek Ko Marna Jaruri Tha Is Par Kanta Boli,
Chlo Accha Hua Ki Sher Mar Gaya Warna Aapki Khal Kis Kaam Aati.
~~~~~~
Ek Fauji Ne Roti Mein Kankar Hone Ki Sikayat Ki,
Subedar Rajender Ne Usse Dante Hua Kaha Tum Yaha,
Desh Ki Seva Karne Ke Liye Bharti Hua Ho Ya Roti,
Ki Sikayat Karne Ke Liye Ji Sir, Par Mein Desh Ki,
Seva Karne Ke Liye Bharti Hua Hu N Ki Usse Khane Ke Liye.
45+ Non Veg Jokes and Dirty Chutkule
Ek Din Santa Aur Banta Dono Soo Rahe The,
Machro Ne Jab Dono Ko Katna Shuru Kiya To Fauji,
Ne Machardani Laga Di Kuch Der Baad Kamre Mein,
Achanak Se Jugnu Udane Laga Banta Ne Santa Se Kaha,
Bhai Dekho Ab Machar Battery Lekar Hame Dhund Rahe Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Sajjan Jo Kaafi Samjhdaar The We Hamesha Har Kisi,
Se Kehte The, Ajji Hum Kis Kabil Hai, Bas Aapki Kirpa Hai,
Kuch Din Baad Unke Yaha Bacha Paida Hua,
Tabhi Kisi Ne Unhe Badai Deta Hua Kaha : Mubarak Ho Bhai,
Ladka Hua Hai Unhone Usi Andaaz Mei Kaha,
Aji Hum Kis Kabil Hai Sab Aapki Kirpa Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Ladka Bus Stop Par Khada Tha,
Jab Ek Ladki Bus Se Utar Chalne Lagi To Ladke Ne Kaha
Aapki Sandel Bhut Achi Hai Ladki- Achi Hai Nikalu Kya,
Ladka – Yu To Aapki Jeans Isse Bhi Acchi Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Aadmi – Taxi Se Utra Aur Kiraya Chukane Ke Liye Coat Ki Pocket,
Tatolne Laga Jab Use Dhyan Aaya Ki Purse To Ghar Par Chut Gaya Hai,
To Turant Uske Dimag Mein Ek Vichar Aaya Usne Driver Se Kaha,
Mera Purse Taxi Mein Gir Gaya Hai, Jara Bati Jala Kar Dekhna,
Pure Do Hajar Rupay Hai, Yeh Sunte Hi Driver Taxi Lekar Bhag Gaya
~~~~~
Chintu Ne Garib Mintu Se Kaha – Mere Dadaji 50 Lakh Rupay Chod Kar Mare The,
Gareeb Mintu – Isme Kya Hai, Mere Dadaji Sari Duniya Chod Kar Mare The.
~~~~~
Ek Gov Office Mein – Aaj Humare Office Ko Shuru Hue Pure 10,
Saal Pure Ho Gaye Hai, Hame Aaj Ke Din Kuch Aisa Karna Chahiye,
Jo Aaj Tak Humne N Kiya Ho. Bolo Kya Kiya Jaaye,
Ek Employe Bola – Main Pagal Nahi Hu Ki Sara Din Kaam Karta Rahu.
Very Funny Joke in Hindi
Ek Budha Aadmi Doctor Ke Paas Aaya Uski Ek Tang Mein Dard Tha,
Dekhne Ke Baad Doctor Ne Bataya : Yeh Dard To Budape Ke Karan Hai,
Budape Ke Karan Kyu Ajeeb Baat Hai Doctor Ji Umar To Dono Tango,
Ki Barabar Hai, Phir Budape Ke Karan Dard Ek Taang Mein Hi Kyu.
~~~~~
Banta Subh 4 Baje Ghar Aa Raha Tha Achanak,
Ek Gunda Pedo Ke Piche Se Nikalkar Uss Par Toot Pada,
Banta Ne Bharpur Uska Muqabala Kiya,
Par Kuch Der Baad Usne Banta Ko Patak Diya,
Talashi Lene Par Banta Ki Jeb Se Ek Athani Nikli,
Gunda : Tum Sirf Ek Athani Par Marne Marne Lage The,
Banta : Nahi Ye Baat Nahi Mere Gunde Bhai,
Mujhe Darr Tha Ki Kahi Tum Waha Rakha 500 Ka Note N,
Dhund Lo Jo Maine Juto Mein Jurab Ke Andar Rakha Hai.
~~~~~
Baap – Beta Gham N Karo,
Tumhare Zindagi Mein Fail Hona Likha Tha,
Beta – Tab To Bohat Accha Hua Mere Budde Baap,
Yadi Mein Mehnat Karta To Meri Saari Mehnat Bekar Chali Jati.
~~~~~
Custumer – Waiter Se : Yeh Kya Baat Hai Tumhare Menu Mein,
Char Boiled Eggs Ki Keemat Zyada Likhi Hai,
Aur Char Eggs Ki Omlet Ki Kam? Mujhe Btao Ye Sab Kya Hai,
Waiter : Kyunki Char Eggs Ki Omlate Mein Eggs Gine Hi Nahi Jaa Sakte.
~~~~~
Maali Hath Jodkar Samne Khada Ho Gaya,
Kya Hai Ramu Aise Kyu Khade Ho,
Raamu – Hujoor, Mein Theka Lene Aaya Hu,
Kis Baat Ka Theka Bhai Or Tumhe Naukri Nahi Karni Kya,
Ramu – Hujoor Suna Hai Ki Aapki Ladki Hasti Hai To Phol Jhadte Hai,
Hujoor Un Pholo Ka Theka De De, Garib Aadmi Ka Bhala Ho Jayega.
~~~~~
Mumbai Sehar Ke Ek Naami Advocate Ka Judge Banna Teh Hua,
Jab Sarkar Ne Use Pad Savikarne Karne Ki Anumati Mangi,
To Advocate Ne Judge Banne Se Inkaar Kar Diya,
Logo Ke Puchne Par Unhone Wajah Batayi- Main,
Thodi Dair Khud Bakwas Karna Zyada Pasand Karunga,
Bjaye Iske Ki Saare Din Dushro Ki Bakwas Sunta Rahu.
50+ Chutkule Hindi Me and Comedy Jokes
Motivator – Maine Apni Affidavit Mein Apna Dimag Gov,
Hospital Walo Ko Dena Teh Kiya Hai Aur Utaar Bhi Diya Hai,
Dost – Phir Unka Uttar Kya Aaya Ye To Bata,
Motivator – Haa, We Kehte Hai Ki Ghatiya Se,
Ghatiya Chij Ka Daan Bhi Taaref Ke Qaabil Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Aadmi Ne Bohat Bade Nami Phalwan Se Sawal Kiya,
Phelwan Ji Aap Sehkado Kilo Wajan Utha Late Hai,
Lekin Ek Cheez Aisi Hai Jo Shayad Aap Bhi Nahi Utha Sakte,
Pahalwan Ne Pucha – Wo Kya Hai Jawab Mila : Patni Ke Nakhre.
~~~~~
Hospital Mein Ek 22 Years Old Ladki Thi Jo T.V,
Par Mausum Ki Jankari Deti Thi Uske Doctor Ne,
Uski Halat Ka Jayaja Diya, Tumhari Recovery Ke,
Chances Takriban 30 Fisdi Hai Lekin Sanivar,
Tak Ye Badkar 50 Fisadi Ho Jayenge.