Hindi Chutkule For Whatsapp
Har Samundar Mein Sahil Nahi Hota,
Har Jahaj Mein Misail Nahi Hoti,
Agar Dhirubhai Ka Sapna Nahi Hota,
To Tere Jaiso Ke Pass Mobile Nahi Hota
~~~~~
Kamla Apni Behan Ke Sath Cinema Dekhne Gayi,
Waha Do Seat Khali Thi Par Alag-Alag Line Mein Ek Ke Piche Ek,
We Sath Bethna Chah Rahi Thi, So Usne Bagal Wale Ladke,
Ko Aankho Hi Aankho Mein Jhank Kar Phir Himmat Kar Kaha,
Maaf Kijiye Kya Aap Akele Hai Bina Apni Gardan Mode Muh Ke,
Aage Hath Rakhkar Ladka Bola, Aaj Nahi Meri Badi Behan Mere Sath Hai.
~~~~~
Judge- Tumne Tank Ke Licence Ke Liye Arji Di Hai,
Pyarelal- Ji Haan Sarkar,
Judge- Tum Tank Kaha Chlaoge,
Pyarelal- Sarkar ,Baat Darasal Yeh Hai Ki Phichle Saal Beti Ki,
Shadi Par Maine 50 Man Chini Ke Permit Ki Mang Ki Thi Lekin,
Permit 5 Mann Ka Milla Tha, Maine Socha Ki Agar Mein Tank,
Ka Permit Manguga To Kam Se Kam Gun Ka Permit To Mil Hi Jayega,
Kahan Tak Kam Karenge Hujur. Ab To Dena Hi Padega.
~~~~~
Netaji- Yaar Kya Kar Rahe Ho,
Dost- Nakshe Mein Apna Desh Dundh Raha Hu,
Netaji- Hahah Dundte Raho,
Desh To Sasura Apni Jeb Mein Pada Hai.
~~~~~
Court Mein Judge Sahab Ne Jor Se Kaha–Tumhe Adalat Mein,
Kuch Aur Pesh Karna Hai Ya Advocate Badalna Hai,
Apradhi- My Lord Mere Pass Ab Kya Baccha Hai,
Jo Kuch Mere Pass Tha Weh Sab Advocate Sahab Ko Pesh Kar Chuka Hu.
50+ Hindi Chutkule for Whatsapp
Chinki Ne Pucha – Dadi Ji Aap Badam Khati Hai Kya,
Nahi Beti , Mere Saare Daant Jo Gir Gaye Hai,
Tab Thik Hai, Ye Badam Rakh Lijiye,
Mein School Se Lotne Par Le Lungi.
~~~~~
Kiryana Ki Shop Ke Bahar Bhut Lambi Line Lagi Hui Thi,
Sabhi Bachain Thi Ki Shop Kab Khulegi Tabhi Ek Aadmi Tezi Se,
Aage Badha Par Isse Pahle Ki Veh Char Kadam Chalta Bhid Usse Pakadkar,
Piche Dakhel Deti Pachvi Baar Issi Tarah Piche Dhkel Diye Jane Ke Baad,
Weh Chilane Laga- Thik Hai Bhad Mein Jao, Aaj Mein Bhi Shop Nahi Kholta.
~~~~~
Nurse Ne Pyarelal Se Kha – Mubarak Ho Bacha Ho Gaya Hai,
Pyarelal- Oh, Are Yeh To Btaiye Ki Bacha Razar Istemal Karega Ya Lipstick.
~~~~~
Chintu- Papa Ji Aaj Maa Ne Aapka Sara Dudh Pi Liya,
Papaa- Koi Nahi Kal Mein Unka Saara Dudh Pee Lunga,
Chintu- Tab To Chota Bhai Bhukha Hi Mar Jayega.
~~~~~
Boss – Tumne To Yeh Kah Kar Chutti Li Thi Ki Tumhe Apne Dentist,
Ke Paas Jana Hai Lekin Maine Tumhe Cinema Hall Mein Dekha Tha,
Lady – Ji Sir, Mera Mangetar Dentist Hi To Hai. Isme Meri Kya Galti Hai.
~~~~~
Chinki- Mummy Dulhan Ke Bageir Bhi Shadi Hoti Hai,
Maa- Nahi Beti,
Chinki –Par Mama Ji Ki Shadi Ke Saman Ki Jo List Didi Ne Banai Hai,
Ussme Dulhan Ka Naam To Hai Hi Nahi
Hindi Chutkule in Hindi Language
Chunilal Jee Ka Kutta Chori Ho Gaya To Unhone Akhbar Mein Add Di,
Mera Kutta Bhag Gaya Hai Ya Chori Ho Gaya Hai Uska Rang Bhura Hai,
Aur Naam Rambo Hai, Teen Din Baad Usse Doore Padne Shuru Honge,
Agle Din Kutta Chunilal Ke Ghar Ke Bahar Khada Mila.
~~~~~
Shaadi Karna Aisa Hi Hai Jaise Hotel Mein Khana Khana,
Aap Shuru Mein Apni Pasand Ki Chijo Ke Liye Table Par,
Nigahe Padne Par Lagta Hai, Tujhe Yah Chij Leni Chaiye The.
~~~~~
Bantu- Maa Humare Naye Padosi Kanjush Hai,
Maa Kyu Beta Tumhe Aisa Kyu Laga,
Bantu- Aaj Unka Ladka Sirf 1 Rupey Ka Sikka Nigal Gaya Tha,
Usse Nikalwane Ke Liye Do-Do Doctor Bulwaye.
~~~~~
Chudi Wala Rail Ke Dibbe Mein Do Chudi Ke Bundal Apne,
Sath Le Kar Ja Raha Tha, Ek Police Wala Udhar Se Nikala,
Aur Ek Bandal Par Jor Se Danda Maar Kar Pucha Isme Kya Hai,
Bechara Chudi Wala Dukhi Hokar Bola- Hawaldar Ji,
Ek Danda Is Dusare Par Aur Mar Dijiye, Tab Inme Kuch Nahi Rahega.
~~~~~
Suresh Naresh Se- Film Banane Ke Baad Aajkal Kya Kar Rahe Ho,
Naresh- Aajkal Furniture Bech Raha Hu,
Suresh- Tab To Bada Fayda Ho Raha Hoga,
Naresh- Ji Haan, Apne Ghar Ka Bechne Mein Faida Hi Hai.
~~~~~
Chinki Apne Papa Ke Sath–Sath Samachar Dekhte–Dekhte,
Bor Ho Gayi Thi, Phir Ek Din Apne Papa Se Boli-Samachar Kab Khtam Honge,
Papa- 9 Baje,
Chinki- Nahi Papa, Mein Punch Rahi Hu Jaise Buniyad Khatam Hui,
Mahabharat Khatam Hua, Waise Hi Samachar Kab Khatam Honge.
45+ Non Veg Jokes and Dirty Chutkule
Bhikhari Ki Union Mein Kuch Bhikari Apna Sujhav De Rahe The,
Ek Ne Kaha- Police Hum Bhikariyo Ko Bhut Preshan Karti Hai,
Humhe Sarkar Ki Aur Se Bhikh Mangne Ka Licence Milna Chaiye,
Dusra Bola- Sarkar Ko Bhikariyo Ko Paki Dukane,
Deni Chiye Taki Hume Bhikh Mangne Idhar-Udhar N Jana Pade.
~~~~~
Kamla Ne Apni Punjabi Sheali Santo Se Kaha– Yaar Tum,
Logo Mein Har Har Baat Ko Do Baar Kyun Bola Jata Hai,
Jaise Picture-Vikchar Dekha Khana-Vana Khao, Chai-Vai Peeya,
Santo Ne Safai Dete Hua Kaha-Hum To Aisa Nahi Bolta,
Haan Jaat- Vaat Jaruri Bolta Hai.
~~~~~
Pyarelal- Yaar Aaj Gaddi Ki Letring Mein Meri Ghadi Aur Batua Gir Gaya,
Chunilal-Are Tumhe To Zanjeer Khichne Chiye Thi,
Pyarelal-Khichi To Kai Baar Lekin Har Baar Pani Hi Pani Nikala.
~~~~~
Teacher Santa Se – Batao Maa Ke Pairo Ke Niche Kya Hai,
Santa– Swarg Hai.
Teacher – Good Beta Aur Baap Ke Pairo Ke Niche?
Santa –Ji, Chamde Ka Kala Juta.
~~~~~
Santa Banta Shop Par Gaye, Santa Ne Kaha- Janab Mujhe Sath,
Baniyan De Dijeye Mere Size Ki Banta Ne Pucha –Yah Sath Ka Kya Hisab Hai,
Santa Bola – Monday Ke Waste Ek Tuesday Ke Waste Dusri, Is Tarah Sath Chaiye,
Banta Ne Socha Ki Isse Bhi Jyada Mangu Usne Kaha Mujhe,
12 Baniyan Do De Dijiye Santa Ne Pucha-Yaar 12 Kyu,
Banta Ne Kaha- January Ke Waste Ek, Or Aise Hi Sath Chaiye.
Majedar Chutkule in Hindi
Santa Ne Santo Se Kaha – Darling Mein Dubai Jaane Ki Soch Raha Hu,
Santo- Acchi Baat Hai , Waha Jaane Mein Kitna Kharch Ho Jayega,
Santa- Ek Paisa Bhi Nahi, Sochne Mein Paisa Kaha Kharch Hota Hai.
~~~~~
Santa Ne Apni Samaj Sevi Dost Se Kaha,
Are Aapne Janta Ki Itni Seva Ki Hai,
Chunav Mein Kyun Nahi Khade Ho Jaate.
Samajsevi Dost- Are Bhai, Jab Mein Aaj Tak Kisi Se Nahi Lada,
To Bhala Chunav Kya Khak Ladunga.
~~~~~
Chunilal Ne Pyarelal Se Pucha- Ha To Ladki Ki Shadi,
Mein Dhej Mein Kya–Kya Diya Hai,
Pyarelal- Sab Kuch Diya Hai T.V, V.C.R, Frezze Wagerah,
Chunilal- Lekin Barat Vida Hote Waqt To Kuch Dikhai Nahi Diya ,
Pyarelal- Are Maine Lotery Ki Ek Ticket Di Hai,
Agar Unke Bhagay Mein Ye Sab Likha Hai To Unki Lotery Khul Jayegi.
~~~~~
Maan Lijiye Aapke Paas Ek Machish Ki Tili Hai Aur Aap Ek,
Andhere Kamre Mein Mojud Hai, Jisme Ek Mombati Hai,
Ek Lalten Hai Aur Ek Diya Hai To Sabse Pahle Aap Kya Jlayenge?
Mombatti,
Galat, Sbse Pahle Aap Machish Jlayenge,
~~~~~
Ek Sahab Ne Chunilal Ko Khana Khilane Ke Liye Ghar Bulaya,
Jab Chunilal Ne Kaafi Khana Kha Liya To Pet Ki Aur Ishara Karte Hua Kaha,
Bus Bhar Gayi Hai, Iske Baad Shab Ne Malai Se Bhari Plate Laker Di,
To Unhine Vah Bhi Khali Kar Di Un Shab Ne Kha,
–Chunilal Ji Bus To Bhar Gayi Thi,
To Aapne Malai Kaise Kha Li Chunilal Ji Namarta,
Se Bole – Bhai Shab, Bus To Bhar,
Gayi Thi Lekin Cunductor Ki Seat Khali Thi.
~~~~~
Do School Ke Dost Bhut Dino Baad Mile,
Dono Ek Dusre Ke Hal-Chal Pucha Or Gale Mile,
Ek Dost Ne Kaha-Dost Bhut Achi Tarah Se Hu,
Upar Wale Ki Badi Kripa Hai,
Dekho, Yah Makan Bhi Banva Liya Hai,
Do Bache Bhi Hai, Upar Wale Ki Kirpa Se ,
Dost Se Raha Nahi Gaya Puch Hi Baitha :
Yaar Yeh Batao Ki Upar Rahta Kon Hai.
50+ Chutkule Hindi Me and Comedy Jokes
Ek Naukrani Ek Sahab Ke Ghar Naukari Karti Thi,
Use Pata Chala Ki Ek Jagah Pagal Khane Me Kahli Hai,
Usne Apne Sahab Se Kaha Ki Wo Uski Sifarish Kar De,
Sahab Ne Pucha- Lekin Tumhe Pagal Khane Ka Tajurba To Hai Hi Nahi,
Naukrani- Waah Sahab, Aapke Yaha Do Saal Se Naukri Kar Rahi Hu.
~~~~~
Chunilal Ek Baar Apne Param Mitar Milne Delhi Gaye,
Raat Ko Der Tak Baate Chalti Rahi, Karib Dus Baje Ka
Aqat Tha Ki Koi Aadmi Sadak Par Bar-Bar Chila Raha,
Tha “Jagte Raho, Jagte Raho”,
Chunilal Ke Dost Ne Pucha ‘Kya Baat Hai”,Usne Bataya Ki Weh Aadmi,
Mohalle Ka Chokidar Hai, Hum Sab Log Milkar Use Tankhva Dete Hai,
Chunilal Ne Kaha –”Jab Yeh Hum Sote Hua Logo Ko Jagne Ko Kehta Hai,
To Phir Iss Chokidar Ki Jarurat Hi Kya Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Din Santa Aur Banta Hotel Gaye Ek Plaet Tanduri Chiken Lane Ka Order Diya,
Waiter Palet Mein Ek Chota Aur Ek Bada Tukda Rakhkar Laya,
Tab Santa Bada Tukda Utha Kar Khane Laga To Banta Bola,
Tumhe Bilkul Sabyata Nahi Hai, Tumhari Jagah Mai Hota To Chota Tukada Utata,
Santa- To Ab Sikayat Kyu Kar Rahe Ho, Tumhe Chota Tukda Mil To Gaya.
~~~~~
Chintu- Maa Meri Shadi Kab Hogi?,
Maa – Beta, Jab Tum Bhut Bade Ho Jaoge,
Chintu- Maa Shadi Ke Liye Bada Hona Jaruri Hai Kya?,
Barabar Wale Ghar Mein, Aunty Munna Se Kah Rahi Thi,
Tumhari Shadi Jab Karenge Jab Tum Pairo Par Khade Ho Jaoge,
Maa Mein To Pairo Par Khada Ho Sakta Hu Aur Haa Doud Bhi Sakta Hu.
~~~~~
Aadhi Raat Ko Doctor Ke Ghar Telephone Par Fauji Bola,
Aap Ghar Aane Ki Fees Kya Late Hai?
Doctor- 100 Rupay
Fauji – Aur Clinic Mein Dekhne Ki?,
Doctor – 50 Rupay,
Fauji – To Thik Hai Aap Teyar Hokar Clinic Phuche,
Mein Ek Ghante Mein Phuch Raha Hu.
Comedy Chutkule Hindi Me
Geogrpy Ki Class Thi, Teacher Padda Rahe The Ki Kaun-Kaun,
Si Dhatu Khan-Khan Hoti Hai,
Teacher- Ladko Kya Tumko Sab Yaad Ho Gaya Hai Jo Padaya Hai,
Santa-Ji Haan Master Ji,
Teacher- Sona Khan Jayada Hota Hai,
Santa – Ji Palang Par Master Ji.
~~~~~
Baap – Chintu Ab Tumhari Padai Khatam Ho Jayegi,
Agle Mahine Imtihan Hai, Uske Baad Kya Irada Hai,
Chintu- Mein Business Karna Chata Hoon,
Baap- Yeh To Acha Khayal Hai Lekin Kon Sa Business Karoge,
Chintu- Ando Ka,
Baap – Haa Thik Hi Hai Saari Zindagi School Mein,
Ando La Rahe Ho Ab Business Bhi Isi Ka Karoge.
~~~~~
Ek Kunware Ne Apni Sundar Mehman Se Kha,
Dekhne Mein, Mai Itna Lambha Tagda Mard Nazar Aata Hu,
Lekin Mijaj Se Main Bilkul Bacha Hu,
Ab Bhi Akele Sote Hue Darta Rehta Hu.
~~~~~
1st Dost : Iss Duniya Main Bewkufo Ki Sankhya Kitni Hogi?,
2nd Dost : Yaar Kabhi Dusro Ke Baare Mein Bhi Socha Karo.
~~~~~
Judge – Tumhara Advocate Kaha Hai?,
Apradhi – Hujur Garib Hu Advocate Ki Fees Ka Paisa Nahi Hai,
Judge – Brabar Ke Holl Mein Chale Jao, 50-50 Rupay Mein,
Bohat Advocate Mill Jayenge Khali Hi Rehte Hai,
Apradhi Bahar Gaya, Advocate Se Puchtach Ki Aur Wapas Aa Gaya,
Judge – Le Aaye Advocate Ko?
Apradhi- Hujur, Advocate Sahab Kehte Hai Ki 50-50 Rupay,
Wale Sabhi Advocate Ab Judge Ban Gaye Hai. Aap Ladenge Mera Case.
50 Cute Friendship Quotes in Hindi
Kude Kachre Se Lade Gadhe Ko Dekhkar Santa Ne,
Banta Se Kaha- Yaar Tumhari Savari Ka Kitna Galat Use Ho Raha Hai,
Banta- Galat Use Kaha? Weh To Tumhara Dahej Le Kar Aa Raha Hai.
~~~~~
Santa Ko Halwa Khane Ka Bhut Shok Tha,
Weh Ek Kiryane Wale Ke Paas Phucha Aur Bola,
Aapke Paas Suji Hai,
Dukandar-Ji Haan,
Santa Ghee Hai,
Dukandar- Ji Haan,
Santa- Sakkar Hai,
Dukandar- Ji Haan,
Santa- Tab To Aap Bhut Murkh Hai Halwa Kyu Nahi Bnate.
~~~~~
Chor – Huzur Mujhe Reha Kar Dijeye,
Judje- Kyu Kya Yeh Tunhari Pehli Chori Hai,
Chor-Ji Nahi, Main To Akshar Chori Karta Aur,
Jail Jata Raha Hu Parantu Yeh Mere Advocate Ka Pehla Mukadma Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Moti Aurat Apne Pati Se- Iss Saal Ramlila,
Mein Mei Sita Ka Role Karungi,
Sunkar Pati Ne Kaha – Tumhara Bhari Sharir,
Dekhkar To Ravan Bhi Tumhara Haran Karne Se Inkar Kar Dega.
~~~~~
Chintu Ne Halwai Ke Yaha Se Ladoo Kharide,
Kintu Turant Wapis Kar Diye Aur Kaha Mujhe Kalakand Do,
Kalakand Bhi Bunty Ne Turant Wapis Kar Diya Aur Jalebiya Le Li,
Phir Jab Weh Chalne Laga To, Halwai Ne Kaha – Paise,
Chintu- Kaise Paise ?,
Halwai –Jalebi Ke,
Chintu- Jalebiya To Maine Kalakand Ke Badle Mein Le Hai,
Halwai- To Kalakand Ke Paise,
Chintu- Kintu Kalakand To Maine Ladoo Ke Badle Mein Liya Hai,
Halwai- To Lado Ke Paise De Do,
Chintu- Wah Jee Waah Ladoo To Maine Wapis Kar Diye.
~~~~~
Pyarelal Ne Ek Raat Sapne Mein Dekha Ki Koi,
Unke Hath Mei 90 Rupay De Raha Hai Aur Pyarelal Ji,
Hai Ki 100 Rupay Se Kam Lene Ko Taiyar Nahi Ho Rahe Hai,
Ishi Bich Mein Achanak Pyarelal Ki Aankh Khul Gayi,
Aur Unhone Apne Dono Hath Ko Khali Paya,
Jhat Pyarelal Jee Ne Aankhe Band Kar Li Aur,
Lage Chikhna Chilane Acha, Lao-Lao 90 Hi De Do