Hindi Chutkule In Hindi Language
Raman – Beta Tumhare Baal Choti Si Umar Mein Bahut Sundar Hai,
Ye Tumhe Kis Se Mile Hain, Apni Mummy Se Ya Papa Se ?
Ladki – Jahan Tak Mera Khayal Hai Uncle Ji,
Mujhe Mere Baal Papa Se Mile Hai,
Kyunki Mere Papa Ke Sir Se Saare Baal Gayab Ho Gaye Hai.
~~~~~
Do Sardaro Ki Kisi Baat Par Behas Ho Gayi,
Pehla Gusse Mein Bola Kya Samajhte Ho Apne Apko,
Tumse Badha Bewkoof Dunde Bhi Nahi Milega,
Dundne Ki Kya Jarurt Hain Ghar Jakar Seeshe Me,
Muh Dekh Lo, Najar Aa Jayega.
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Customer – Samose Kuch Thik Nahi Lag Rahe Hain,
Kya Baat Hain? Parso Wale To Bahut Achhe The,
Sardar – Aji Sahab Yeh Wahi To Hain.
~~~~~
Teacher : Do Samundaro Ke Naam Batao,
Sardar : Ganga Or Yumna,
Teacher : Lekin Yeh To Nadiya Hain.
Sardar : Kya Fark Padhta Hai,
Akhir Ye Samundar Main Hi To Mil Jati Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Sardar Ne Apne Patni Se Kaha – Jara,
Jaldi Khana De Do Dair Ho Rahi Hain,
Patni : Lekin Abhi Chawal Adhe Hi Pake Hai,
Sardar : Koi Baat Nahi Adhe Hi De Do Baaki,
Tum Kha Lena.
45+ Non Veg Jokes and Dirty Chutkule
Sardar – Dekho Aaj Samne Ki Shop Se Koi Saman Mat Kharidna,
Sardar Girlfriend – Kyon Kya Hua? Weh To Bahut Imandar Hain,
Sardar – So To Hai Lekin Aaj Saman Tolne Ke Liye Hamara,
Baat(Weight) Udhar Le Gya Hain.
~~~~~
Sharabi – Sharab Se Jyada Nuksan To Paani Karta Hai,
Premo – Bilkul Galat Hai, Aisa Kabhi Nahi Ho Sakta,
Sharabi – Kyu Kuch Dino Pehle Hi Badh Se Hajaro Logo Nahi Mare.
~~~~~
Pandit Ne Pappu Ka Hath Dekh Kar Kaha,
Aapke Ghar Me Jaldi Hi Ek Bhadi Danrasi Ke,
Aane Ka Yog Hai,
Batayie Apne Lotri Ka Tickat Liya Hai Ya Kuch Aur,
Pappu Ne Thandi Saans Lete Hue Kaha,
Abhi Parso Hi Maine Do Lakh Ka Apna Bima Karwaya Hai.
~~~~~
Santa Banta Se – Mere Dad Cinema Hole Me Pahunchte Hain,
Tabhi Gate Khulta Hain,
Banta – To Kya Tera Baaap Manejar Hain?,
Santa – Nahi Gatekeeper Hain.
~~~~~
Apne Papa Ke Sath Chidiyagar Dekhte Hue Bachcha,
Sher Ke Pinjre Ke Samne Akar Kuch Sochne Laga,
Papa Ne Karan Pucha To Bachche Ne Kaha Kuch Nahi,
Main Soch Raha Tha Ki Agar Sher Pinjre Se Niklakar Apko Kha Le,
To Main Kon Se Number Ki Bus Se Gar Jaunga
Hindi Chutkule Santa Banta
Pathan Naukarani Se : “Tum Begam Se Zyada Maja Deti Ho,”
Naukarani : Ye To Aapki Jara Nawaji Hai,
Warna Saare Naukar To Kehte Hai Begam Jyada Maja Deti Hai.
~~~~~
Kathghere Mein Khade Chor Se Judge Ne Kaha,
Ajeeb Baat Hai Jab Main Wakil Tha To Tumne Cycle Churai,
Aur Jab Main Sarkari Wakil Bana To Tumne Ek Bike Churai,
Aaj Jab Main Judge Ban Gaya Hu To Tumne Ek Car Churai,
Akhir Aisa Kyon?,
Hujur Wajah Bahut Saaf Hain Aapke Sath Maine Bhi Tarkki Ki Hain.
~~~~~
Pappu School Se Rote Hue Ghar Aaya,
Maa Ne Pucha – Kya Baat Hain Rota Kyon Hain?
Weh Hichkiya Leta Hua Bola,
Guru Ji To Hath Me Kitab Lekar Padate Hain,
Or Hum Yaad N Kare To Bhi Pitte Hain.
~~~~~
Papa : Tumhari Class Me Sabse Zyada Hosiyar Bacha Kon Hai,
Bete : Deepika Hai Papa Ji,
Papa : Weh Kaise?,
Bete : Weh Class Mein Itni Safai Se Nakal Karti Hai,
Ki Aaj Tak Pakad Mein Nahi Aayi.
~~~~~
Do Dost Dono Ek Hotel Me Pahuch Gaye,
Jab Waiter Unke Pass Aaya To Sart Ke Hisab Se,
Use Do Gilas Paani Lane Ke Liye Keh Diya,
Pani Aane Par Sart Ke Hisab Se Ab Dusre Ki Bari Thi,
To Usne Order Diya- Waiter Menu Lao Jab Menu Aa Gaya To Fir,
Pehle Wale Ne Kaha-Mere Liye Ek Cup Coffe Lao Or,
Ise Laat Maar Ke Bahea Nikal Do.
~~~~~
Ek Seth Ko Yumraj Ke Dut Lene Aaye,
Or Use Le Jakar Yumraj Ke Samne Khada Kar Diya,
Yumraj Ne Pucha Tum Kahan Rehna Chahte Ho,
Sawrag Mein Ya Narak Me?,
Seth Ji Bade Soch Mein Pad Gaye,
Kaafi Sochne Ke Baad Jawab Diya Jaha,
Do Chaar Paise Ka Fayda Hoga.
50+ Chutkule Hindi Me and Comedy Jokes
Santa Ghar Ke Samne Baitha Roo Raha Tha Ki,
Banta Udhar Se Nikla Or Santa Se Rone Ka Karn Puchne Laga,
Santa – Aaj Subah Mera Kutta Mar Gaya,
Banta – Dekho Meri Dadi Ko Mere Ek Saptah Ho Gaya Hai,
Main Kaha Rota Hoon,
Santa – Tumhe Apni Dadi Ko Mere Kutte Ke Pille,
Ki Umar Se Paal Pos Kar Badha To Nahi Karna Padha Tha.
~~~~~
Jis Din Aap Mere Ghar Aayi Uss Din Hi,
Mere Yaha Chori Ho Gayi,
Ek Pati Ne Apni Saas Se Kaha,
Tabhi Pass Khada Unka Chota Ladka Bola,
Musibat Kabhi Akeli Nahi Aati Hai Daadi.
~~~~~
Press Ke Karmchari Ne Haal Hi Mein Hua Pardhan,
Se Interview Ke Waqt Pucha Rajniti Mein Aane Ki,
Siksha Aapko Kaise Mili ?,
Apni Lambi Berojgari Ke Baad.
~~~~~
Shopkeeper Ne Customer Se Pucha Apko Kya Chahiye,
Customer : 10 Chuhe Daniya.
Shopkeeper : Kya Aap Unhe Apne Sath Le Jayenge.
Customer : Nahi Aap Apni Dukan Ka Pata De Dijie,
Mai Chuho Ko Yahi Bej Dunga.
~~~~~
Preeti – Maa Pitaji Ke Sar Par Baal Kyon Nahi Hain,
Maa – Beti Isliye Ki Weh Samjhdar Hain,
Preeti – Maa Tumhare Sar Par Baal Itne Bhade Kyon Hain,
Maa – Kyonki ……………. Chali Ja Yahan Se Bakwas Mat Kar.
Hindi Chutkule For Whatsapp
Patni Ne Kaha Priyatam Tum Mujhe Itna Pyaar Karte Ho,
Kya Mere Marne Ke Bad Tum Bhi Mere Liye Ek Tajmahal Banaaoge,
Ha Ha Kyu Nahi Prie,
Isliye To Maine Agra Mein 1000 Gaz Ka Plot Kharida Hai.
~~~~~
Thanku Doctor Ji Aapne Mere Boyfriend Ke Dil Me,
Dusre Ka Dil Lagakar Unki Zindagi Bacha Li.
Lekin Doctor Ji, Ab Unke Dil Mein Wo Pyar Nahi Reh Gaya Hai,
Doctor :Abhi Naya Dil Hai, Koshish Kijiye,
Kuch Din Mein Kaabu Mein Aa Jayega.
~~~~~
Patni :- Pati Mein Behas Chal Rahi Thi,
Pati :- Mujhe Khoobsurti Pasand Hai,
Patni :- Mujhe Dimag Bahut Pasand Hai,
Pati :- Ha Thik Hai, Jo Chij Jiske Paas Nahi Hoti Hai,
Wo Use Hi Pasand Karta Hai.
~~~~~
Santo Ne Apne Indian Premi Se Pucha,
Shaadi Ho Jaaye To Tum Mujhe Honeymoon Ke Liye,
Kaun Se Station Pe Leke Jaaoge ?
Bus Station Se Railway Station.
~~~~~
Preeti :- Tum Ekdum Se Itne Ameer Kaise Ban Gaye ?
Pankaj :- Baat Bhulne Ki Aadat Ke Karan,
Preeti :- Wo Kaise ?
Pankaj :- Mere Lakhpati Mama Ko Dil Ka Daura Pada Tha,
Uss Samaye Mein Doctor Ka Mobile Number Bhul Jaane Ke Karan,
Doctor Ko Bhulana Bhul Gaya,
Aur Mere Mama Ji Chal Base. So Main Ameer Ban Gaya.
~~~~~
Teacher – Bachho Hame Kisi Chij Ka Durupyog Nahi Karna Chahiye,
Pappu – Sir Aap Kyun Karte Hai,
Teacher – Main Kis Chij Ka Durupyog Karta Hun,
Pappu – Scale Se Line Khichni Chahiye Par Aap Sada Usse Hame Pitte Hai.
48+ Friendship Day Messages for Girlfriend
Sahab : Waiter Are Kaisa Tanduri Chicken Laye Ho Tum,
Iski Ek Tang Dusri Tang Se Choti Hai,
Shopkeeper : Sahab Aapko Chicken Khana Hai Ya Uske,
Saath Dance Karna Hai.
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Sipahi – Miss Babli Aapki Sikhayat Par,
Maine In Nagan Nahane Walo Ko,
Iss Samundar Tat Se Aage Bej Diya Hai,
Aapko Inhe Dekhkar Paresani Ho Rahi Thi,
Ab We 10 Fit Aage Jakar Nahaenge,
Babli – Thank You Officer Ab Main Bina,
Sarmaye Unhe Durbin Se Dekh Sakungi.
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Ek Teacher Apni Claas Mein Makkhiyo Ke Bare Mein,
Baccho Ko Bata Rahi Thi – Ek Akeli Makkhi Apne Jiwan Me,
Ek Lakh Ande De Sakti Hain,
Bunty Ne Babli Se Fusfusa Kar Kaha – Ek Akeli Makkhi Lakho,
Ande Deti Hai To Shadi Shuda Makkhi N Jane Kitne Deti Hogi.
~~~~~
Pati – Apni Patni Ko Dantte Hue, Darwaja Par Aane Wale Har Bikhari,
Ko Khana Khilane Se Kya Laab Isse Kuch Banta Hi Nahi,
Patni – Main Janti Hui Par Yeh Dekhkar Mujhe Behad Santosh Hota Hai,
Ki Akhir Koi To Mere Hath Ka Khana Bina Kami Nikale Kha Raha Hai.
~~~~~
Teacher – Batao Nepal Door Hain Ya Chand,
Pinki – Ji Nepal,
Teacher – Kaise,
Pinki – Ji Chand To Yaha Se Dekha Ja Sakta Hai Par Nepal Nahi.
Best Funny Jokes in Hindi
Santa – Agar Tumhari Maa Tumhe 10 Rupye Or,
Tere Bhai Ko 20 Rupye De To Kya Hoga,
Banta – Ladayi.
~~~~~
Rail Ke Dibbe Mein Santa Ki Maa Ne Santa Se Kaha,
Chupchap Baithe Raho Sararat Ki To Marungi,
Santa – Tumne Mujhe Mara To Main,
Tickit Checker Ko Apni Umar Bata Dunga.
~~~~~
Pappu – Aaj Main Tumse Bahut Khus Hun Bolo Kya Chahiye,
Preeti Khus Hoker – Hiro Ka Haar,
Pappu – Achha Yeh Lo Daga, Hire Phir La Dunga.
~~~~~
Mareej – Doctor Suna Hai Aajkal Sanp Ke Katne Ka Bhi Ilaaj Ho Jata Hai,
Doctor – Sabka Ilaaj Ho Sakta Hai,
Mareej – Doctor Sahab Kuch Bimariya To Lailaj Hoti Hongi,
Doctor – Are Ha Tumne Accha Yaad Dilaya Aurat Ke Katne Ka Koi Ilaj Nahi Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Raja Ne Apni Premika Se Pucha- Main Kis Din Mrunga?
Premika Ne Utar Diya- Chutti Wale Din,
Raja – Kaise,
Premika – Ap Jis Din Bhi Marenghe Apki Sena Usi Din Chutti Manaeghi.
Friendship Status for Whatsapp
Pappu : Mummy School Mein Hamari Teacher Bata Rahi Thi,
Ki Hum Log Dusro Ki Madad Karne Ke Liye Iss Duniya Main Ae Hain,
Kya Yah Such Hain?
Mummy : Ha Beta Tumhari Teacher Thik Kehti Hain,
Pappu : To Fir Dusre Log Duniya Main Kislie Aaye Hain.
~~~~~
Police Mein Naukri Paane Ke Liye Aavedan Patr Dene Wale,
Ek Aadmi Se Police Commisnor Ne Interview Mein Pucha,
Agar Kahi Bidh Jama Ho Gayi Or Tumhe Bina Laathcharge Kiye,
Logo Ko Wahan Se Titar – Bitar Karne Ko Kaha Jaye To Kya Karoge?,
Aadmi Ne Muskurakar Kaha – Main Unse Kisi Aashram Ka Chanda Mangne Lagunga.
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Bus Mein Khada Patla Aadmi Dakke Khata Hua Aage,
Khiskta Ja Raha Tha Jab Condoctor Ne Tickit Kharidne,
Ke Liye Usse Kaha To Weh Bola – Tickit Kyu Main To Pura,
Rasta Paidal Chalta Raha Hoon
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Naukar – Uthiye Malik Jagiye,
Malik – Kya Baat Hain Kyon Jaga Diya,
Naukar – Ji Main Apko Neend Ki Dawai Dena Bhool Gaya Tha.
~~~~~
Patient : Mera Lakdi Ka Pair Mujhe Kaafi Dard De Raha Hai.
Doctor : Lakdi Ka Pair Tumhe Dard Kaise De Sakta Hai.
Patient : Meri Patni Mujhe Roj Usi Se Marti Hai.
~~~~~
Santa :- Shehar Ke Chaurahe Par Khadi Ek Pathar Ki Vishal,
Murti Se Ek Baar Yamraaj Ne Pucha – Agar Main Tumme Jaan Daal Du,
To Sabse Pehle Tum Kya Kaam Karoge ?
Murti :- Unn Saikado Kabutaro Ki Garden Marodunga,
Jo Itne Saalo Se Mujh Par Beet Karte Aaye Hai.
Latest Chutkule in Hindi
Pati : Aaj Tu Jo Mangegi Tere Kadmo Mein Lakar Rakh Dunga,
Patni : Bakwas Band Karo,
Pehle Line Mein Khade Hokar Dukan Se 1 Kilo Shakkar Lana.
Baaki Ye Apni Faltu Deeng Baad Mein Marna.
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Santo (Apni Saheli Se) – Aajkal Mere Pati,
Badi Der Se Ghar Aate Hain !
Banto :- Tu To Unhe Daantkar Rakh, Wo Thik Ho Jaayenge,
Santo :- Par Daantu Kab ? Jab Me Ghar,
Pahunchti Hoon To Wo Soye Hote Hain.
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Chor Ki Patni Roj Pati Se Paise Ke Liye Ladti – Jhagadti,
Ant Mein Jhunjla Kar Chor Ne Kaha Ari Bhagwan Tu Ab Ladaayi,
Jhagda Band Bhi Karogi,
Ek Baar Nahi Hazar Bar Keh Chuka Hu Ki,
Bank Band Hone Ke Baad Paise La Dunga !
~~~~~
Paris Ke Ek Platform Par Ek Patni Ne Apne Pati Se Shikayat Ki,
Dusre Patio Ko Dekho Kitni Garamjoshi Se Apni Patnion Se Baat Kar Rahe Hain,
Ek Tum Ho Ki Main Itne Dino Baad Mummy Ke Ghar Se Lauti Hoon,
Aur Tumne Abhi Tak Kiss Bhi Nahi Kia,
Pati Ne Gehri Sans Bharkar Kaha – Iska Kaaran Ye Hai,
Ki Tum Mere Paas Aayi Ho, Jabki In Pation Ki Patniyaan Ja Rahi Hain.
~~~~~
Kamla – Tumne Kuch Suna ?,
Kal Raat Hamari Padosan Meena Ne Apne Gale Me,
Faasi Ka Fanda Dal Lia Tha,
Mungilal – Bechari Meena,
Kamla – Magar Ain Wakt Uske Pati Ne Bhaagkar Use Bacha Liya.
Mungilal – Bechara Pati.
55+ Romantic Good Night SmS for Girlfriend
Maa :- Bandar Ne Chat Par Rakhi Pustak Faad Daali Hai Aye Bhagwan,
Koi Danda Ya Pathar Maar Kar Bhagaao Use Jaldi,
Warna Sari Kitab Paadh Dega,
Sonu :- Maa, Jab Monu Aisa Karta Hai Tab To,
Tum Aisa Karne Ko Kabhi Nahi Kehti Ho,
~~~~~
Do Nashedio Ne Bahut Zyada Pee Rakhi Thi,
Aur Wo Aapas Mein Behas Kar Rahe The,
Pehla :- Ye Chand Hai Yaar,
Dusra :- Nahi Yaar, Ye Suraj Hai,
Itn Me Ek Teesra Nashedi Waha Se Gujra,
To Dono Ne Socha Ki Is Se Poochte Hai,
Teesra :- Bhai ! Main To Is Jagah Naya Aaya Hu.
~~~~~
Bhikhari :- Babuji, Is Laachar Ki Madad Karein,
Aap Ek Paisa Doge To Bhagwan Dus Laakh Dega,
Babuji :- Tumhare Hath, Pair, Kaan, Aankhein, Sabhi,
Thik Hain, Tum Kaise Laachar Ho,
Bhikhari :- Ji Main Modern Hu Aur Aadat Se Laachar Hu.
~~~~~
Neta Ji :- Humne Rajneeti Me Acche Acche Pehalwano Ko Pachad Diya Hai,
Dusra Neta :- Aap Kyun Sare Aam Jhuth Bol Rahe Hai,
Kal Raat To Apki Patni Aapke Piche Jhadu,
Lekar Daudi Thi Aur Aap Bistar Ke Niche Chupe Pade The.
~~~~~
Doctor :- Aap Mere Kahe Ke Anusaar Kamre Ki,
Khidkiyaan Kholkar Soye The Ya Nahi,
Mareej :- Ji Haan Khidki Khol Ke Hi Soya Tha,
Doctor :- Tab Aapka Jukaam Gayab Ho Gaya Hoga,
Maarej :- Jee Nahi, Par Ghar Ka Saman Jarur Gayab Ho Gaya.
~~~~~
Ek Nayi Dulhan Ne Ithlakar Apne Pati Parmeshwar Se Kaha,
Agar Bawarchi Ko Hatakar Agle Poore Mahine Mein Aapko,
Apne Hath Se Bana Khana Paka Kar Khilaun To Mujhe Kya Milega,
Pati :- Waada Raha Meri Beema Policy Ki Saari Rakam Tumhari.