Funny Status Updates in English
The Jailer Was Very Upset When His Friend Asked Him,
He Said. Jailer – Last Night To Celebrate RamNavami
Our Prison Inmates Presented Ramlila,
When Laxman Took Power Arrow Hanuman Went,
To Bring Life Saving Herb.
Friend – Whats There To Be So Nervous ?
Jailer – He Still Has Not Returned.
~~~~~
The Judge Asked The Thief Standing In The Dock.
Judge – When I Was A Lawyer Then You Stole A Hen,
When I Was A Prosecutor Then You Stole A Goat,
And Now I ‘Ve Become Judge, Then You Stole Buffalo.
Con – Thing Is Very Clear, Sir, With You I ‘M On The Upswing.
~~~~~
Netaji ( In Speech ) – We Should Try To Stand On Our Feet.
So Hear The Crowd,
A Woman Stood Quote – I ‘M Trying Too Late,
Cop Is Injected Repeatedly.
~~~~~
Three Doctors Were Talking Among Themselves,
That I Can Tell Without Seeing The Man Where The Bone Is Broken,
Then Madanlal Limping Out Of Front Of Them.
The First Doctor – His Knee Bone Is Broken
The Second Doctor – Have Broken Their Hip Bone
Third Doctor – The Leg Bone Is Broken
Then All Three Went To The Madan Lal And Asked Him.
MadanLal – I Do Not Even Have A Broken Bone, Broken My Slippers.
~~~~~
Two Friends Were In A Hotel. Waitor Came To Their Line,
With The Condition First Gave Him Order Of Two Glasses Water.
On The Water, With The Condition Second Order For The Menu.
When The Waitor Brought The Menu,
Then The Condition Was First To Speak. He Said,
A Cup Of Tea For Me And Push It Out Of The Hotel.
40+ Funny Joke of the Day for Adults
A Journalist Asked A New Leader,
Where Did The Inspiration Come To You In Politics ?
Leader – Bcoz Of My Long Unemployment.
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Big Industrialists Were Cutting Jokes Among A Party.
Someone Was Saying I ‘M Making The Ship,
Creating A Jet, Creating A Tractor, Making A Machine.
A Big Industrialist Jokingly Asked A Small,
Businessman – Sir, What You’re Making ?
You’ve Heard Of Bakda Dam ?
I’ve Created A Paper Weight To Stress Map Of That Dam.
~~~~~
Pappu Was Crying Sitting In Front Of The House,
Chintu Asked Pappu Cause.
Papa Said – My Dog Died This Morning.
Chintu – See My Grandmother Has Died A Week, I ‘Ll Cry Said.
Pappu – Your Grandmother Like My Puppy Had Not Grown Up.
~~~~~
The Husband Lying In The Lap Of Wife.
Wife – How Are You Feeling ?
Husband – Such As Vishnu
Lying In The Lap Of Shesh nags.
~~~~~
The Man Said To His Mother-In-Law,
The Same Day As The Day You Came To My House,
Here Things Are Stolen.
Child – Trouble Never Comes Alone, Right Grandma.
~~~~~
Alcoholic – Water Damages More Than Alcohol.
Sumer – Absolutely Wrong.
Alcoholic – Why Last Year By Floods,
Thousands Of People Were Killed.
Funny Status for Friends
Small Child Was Very Scared Of Water And Soap.
Mother Tried To Explain ,
Look Son You Want To Be Clean ?
Son – Want, But You Cannot Clean Swept Me.
~~~~~
Kanta Said To Sumer – Will You Do Of Plastic Gloves?,
Sumer – Wear Them And I ‘Ll,
Wash Hands And They Do Not Get Water On,
The Hands Are Not Wet And Not Even Have To Wipe.
~~~~~
Seth Took The Messengers Of Yama,
And Stand Before Yama. Yama Asked –
Where You Want To Be – In Heaven Or In Hell ?
Seth Said After Much Thought –
Which Will Benefit Two Money.
~~~~~
Shopkeeper – Say What ?
The Customer – A Dozen Mousetrap
Shopper – Will Take Them With You.
Customer – Not You Please Give The Address Of The Store,
I ‘Ll Send The Mice Still Here.
~~~~~
The Newspaper Seller Was Shouting Loudly,
Breaking News, A Little Lie Fooled 125 People.
Man – Give A Newspaper.
Newsboy Was Moving Ahead And Then Shouted,
A Little Lie Fooled 126 People.
40+ Santa Banta Jokes in Hindi
Astrologer After Seeing The Hands Of The Tinku Said,
– Chances Of A Huge Amount In Your House Are Coming.
Do You Have Tickets To A Lottery ?
Tinku – Just Day Before, I Have Insured My Life.
~~~~~
Newly Wife Told Her Husband,
We Are Soon To Be Two To Three,
Happy Husband Took Wife In Arms,
Wife – I Never Expected That You’d Be So Happy,
Alright, My Mother Is Coming From Three O’clock Flight.
~~~~~
After Not Finding Her Husband In Bed At Night,
The Wife Went Out,
Found Him Sitting In A Park Asked The Wife.
Wife – What Are You Doing?
Husband – I’m Breathing In The Open Air,
Do You Remember, 20 Years Ago When You Were 16 Years Of Age.
I Do You Remember When We Were Making Love In,
The Back Seat Of The Car, Your Father Saw Us,
He Put The Pistol To My Temple And Said,
That Either Get Married To My Daughter Or Get
Ready To Go To Jail For 20 Years.
Wife – Yes, Remember!
Husband – Then Today They Are All 20 Years.
~~~~~
Mungilal – Good Thing I Was Not Born In Gujarat,
Fauja – Why ?
Mungilal – Because,
I Often Do Not Even Know A Single Word Of Gujarati.
~~~~~
Bimla – My Husband Says That A Kiss,
Reduces Three Minutes Of Life Man Consists.
Kamla – Haay ! So Yesterday My Husband,
Definitely Were Trying To Commit Suicide.
Funny Status Sayings
Santa – My Love, What You Shouting For?
Sato – I ‘M Calling The Neighbor’s Dog.
Santa Also Started Calling Sweety – Sweety.
Sato – What Are You Calling For?
Santa – Neighbour ‘S Cat.
~~~~~
Once The Nizam’s Wife Was Died,
Nizam Dictated On His Grave Name Plate –
“A Begum Sleeping In The Grave,
The Entire Life Trying To Please Her Husband,
But Will Have Been Able To Do After Death.
~~~~~
Saroj – Came Out Of The Kitchen Said To Her Husband,
Nowadays I’m Getting Very Beautiful.
Sunil – How Do You Know? Saroj – Look, Right Now To See,
My Beauty Is Rottenness To Bread.
~~~~~
A Rat Went Belly Up Of Pappu, He Started Screaming.
Jasmine – What Is There To Shout?
Pappu – Today Is Gone Rat Tomorrow Bull,
Motor All The Way So It Will Be A Common Way.
~~~~~
Every Indian Woman Is Rani Laxmi Bai,
Premarital Queen, After Some Days Of,
Marriage Become Lakshmi And After,
The Birth Of Child, Become Bai.
~~~~~
Dying Husband Said To His Wife,
I Am Deceiving You Throughout Life,
The Truth Is, Many Of My Illicit Relations With Women.
Wife – I Also Want To Tell The Truth,
You Do Not Die From The Disease,
I Have Been Poison You Slowly Going To Impact.
Funny Status Messages in English
Dentist – Stop Dancing Your Hands,
And Making Your Face.
I Have Not Touched Your Tooth.
Patient – Everything Is Fine,
You Are Standing On My Foot.
~~~~~
Bimala To A Friend – I Reached At Juhu Beach,
In Sleep Yesterday Night, The Morning When,
People Wake Me Up So I Was Ashamed Defenses.
Friend – Hmmm! You Was In Your Night Gown ,
Bimala – You Do Not Even Know That Sleep Time,
I Didn’t Use To Wearing Clothes.
~~~~~
Champu – Doctor! Daily A Nightmare Bothered Me,
I Feel Like I’m Getting Married To Four Women.
Doctor – But What Is Bad In This Dream?
Champu – If You Ever Make Food For Four Women,
Then You Understand.
~~~~~
Billo – Last Night, Three Thieves Came And Went By My Rape.
Papua – You Did Not Stop Them?
Billo – Yes I Did. They Are Spoken,
Power Is No Longer, Will Come Tomorrow.
~~~~~
Cuchu’s Mother Went To Her School.
Teacher – Behind Girls Lying All The Time.
Mother – All At His Father’s.
Teacher – It Took Him Kissing A Girl,
Only When It Is Unable To Find.
Mother – All At His Father’s.
Teacher – For Girls It Has Growing Troubles.
Mother – All At His Father’s,
I Did Not Marry His Father Which Was Good.
Funny Status for Facebook
Sandy To Phullo – Sister, Priest Has Died,
Phullo – Would Know!
Just Yesterday We Sent Cards Get Well!
Our Money Is Worthless.
~~~~~
Seeing A Bald, A Boy Joked,
Today The Moon Is Visible In The Day,
Bald Hit The Boy’s Head With A,
Stick And Said Out Loud – Now Stars Too Appear.
~~~~~
Dhritarashtra – Gandhari We Are Grateful,
That You Gave Us 100 Children!
Gandhari – Maharaj, If You Are Not Blind,
So It Was Not Possible.
~~~~~
Pappu – My Neighbor And My Friend Gamble,
All Night Yesterday. What A Waste Of Time,
Ramu – How Do You Know?
Pappu – I Stayed Up All Night Watching Them Playing.
~~~~~
A Father Was Scolding His Son,
Water Is Becoming Head High.
At That Time, His Wife Was Taking A Bath,
In The Tub In The Bathroom,
(She) – Darling, Where Are You Looking For?
The Door Is Closed.
45+ Non Veg Jokes and Dirty Chutkule
Emraan Hashmi After Seeing A Bare,
Beggar In The Winter Gave Him His Coat.
Bikhari Returned The Coat By Saying,
That Madame Mallika Back Sits In Your,
Car Need It More Than Me.
~~~~~
A Woman Suspected That Her Own Young,
Maid Has A Relationship With One Of Her Two Boys.
One Day She Asked The Maid – Santro,
If You Wish To Go With Any One Of My Sons,
Whom To Flirt With You?
Mem Saab – I ‘Ve Hung Out With Both, Its Really Hard Decision,
But To Flirt With Sahab,
Which Can Never Come To Have Fun With Her Sons.
~~~~~
Two Old Women Were Chatting.
One Asked – What Is,
Nowadays Is Not At The Doctor’s Clinic,
Your Health Is Okay, Right?
~~~~~
Brahma Created The Universe And Then Rested,
Then Created Man And Then Rested.
The Brahma Created The Woman And Not,
The Man That Day Rested Not Brahma.
~~~~~
The Doctor Asked The Patient – Will Test,
Your Urine! The Friend Of Patient Spoke,
Of Hearing The Doctor – Doctor’s,
Bottle Is Lying On The Same Shelf Fill It.
Funny Status Quotes in English
Listen And Silent Are Two Words,
With Same Alphabets And Are Very Important,
For Friendship Because Only A Friend,
Can Listen You When You Are Silent.
~~~~~
Today’s Newspaper Is Tomorrow’s Waste Paper,
Life Is A Test Paper,
Don’t Copy From The Front Paper,
Relationship Is The Best Paper,
Don’t Waste It Like A Tissue Paper.
~~~~~
Friend Is Friend I Mean,
She Is Our Favourite Girl.
She Never Behaves Rudely,
She Makes Us Feel Innocent,
She Makes Us Far From Enemy,
No, I Will Never Forget Her,
I Am In Deep Love With Her.
A True Friend Is Work Of Heart.
~~~~~
A Friend Gives Hope When Life Is Low,
A Friend Is A Place When You Have No Where To Go,
A Friend Is Honest,
A Friend Is True,
A Friend Is Precious And That’s You.
~~~~~
Friendship Is Not How You Forget But How You Forgive,
Not How You Listen But How You Understand,
Not How You See But How You Feel And Not How,
You Let Go But How You Hold On.
~~~~~
Friendship With Time Becomes Deeper,
And Matured And Weaves A Colorful Tapestry Of,
Memories, Spent In The Company Of Friends.
50 Cute Friendship Quotes in Hindi
The World Does Not Need More Mountains To Climb,
More Seas To Cross, Or More Stars To Shine,
What The World Need Is Just Your Smile.
~~~~~
I M Restless, I M Depressed,
I M Lonely, I M Sad,
And I M Getting Crazy All For Just,
2 Reasons I M Here And U R There
~~~~~
There Is A Great English Saying That,
The Ones Who Loves You Most’ Hurt You Most.
But, Then Again “They Are The Only Ones”
Who Feel Your Pain.
~~~~~
I’m Glad Friendship Doesn’t Come With Tags,
For If It Did,
I’d Never Afford Someone As Great As You.
Good Night.
~~~~~
Good Message To A Good Person,
From A Good Person For A Good Reason,
At A Food Time On A Good Day,
To Wish You A Very Good Day.
~~~~~
You’re Attractive, Gorgeous, Sexy,
Intelligent, Smart , Charming, Sophisticated,
Fit Kind And Generous.
In Fact You’re Becoming More Like Me Everyday.