Funny SmS In English
Kader bhai Went To Barber To Get Haircut
And Asked The Rate Of Hair And Shaving.
Barber – Haircut Is 50 And Shave Is 30.
Kader bhai – Do A Job Do Shave My Head.
~~~~~
Sister-In-Law – So Sad, That You
Beaten Up By Sister And You Are Smiling ?
Jija – You Used To Say That The
Trouble Should Be Faced With Laugh.
~~~~~
Marble Stone Erected On The Graves
Of Dead Husband And Wife Wrote There –
” Sleep Peacefully ”
After Three Day Will Open And Wife Figured Out
That The Husband Not Leave His Name Anything.
She Added The Cemetery On The Stone – Until I Come.
~~~~~
Someone Stole A Man’s Slippers Outside
From The Mosque, The Man Went
And Sat In The Cemetery And
Said – I Will Look Elsewhere
But One Day Will Come Here.
~~~~~
Bubly – Yesterday You Were Drunk Again,
Bunty – Due To The Bad Company Of Friends,
Bubly – Bad Friends Who?
Bunty – Those Who Were With Me Yesterday,
I Had A Whole Bottle And They All Had To
Refuse Because Of That
I Only Drink The Whole Bottle.
55+ Funny Indian Jokes That Make You Laugh
Pehle Bramha Ne Brahmand Ko Banaya Aur Aaram Kia,
Tab Brahma Ne Aadmi Ko Banaya Aur Fir Aaram Kia,
Tab Brahma Ne Aurat Ko Banaya,
Aur Us Din Se Na Brahma Ne Aaram Kiya Aur Na Hi Aadmi Ne.
~~~~~
Santa Santo Se, Ye Tum Pyare-2 Kya Chilla Rahi Thi,
Santa Ne Office Se Aate Hi Kaha,
Me Padosi Ke Kutte Ko Bula Rahi Thi! Santo Boli,
Santa Ne Vyangy Se – Pyari Pyari Kehna Shuru Kar Dia.
Ye Kya Baat Hai ? Tum Kise Bula Rahe Ho ?
Padosan Ki Billi Ko ! Santa Vyangya Se Bola
~~~~~
Santo (Apni Saheli Se)- Aajkal Mere Pati Badi Der Se Ghar Aate Hain,
Banto :- Tu To Unhe Daantkar Rakh, Wo Thik Ho Jaayenge,
Santo :- Par Daantu Kab ?
Jab Me Ghar Pahunchti Hoon To Wo Soye Hote Hain.
~~~~~
Chor Ki Patni Roj Pati Se Paise Ke Liye Ladti – Jhagadti,
Ant Mein Jhunjla Kar Chor Ne Kaha Ari Bhagwan Tu Ab,
Ladaayi – Jhagda Band Bhi Karogi.
Ek Baar Nahi Hazar Bar Keh Chuka Hu Ki,
Bank Band Hone Ke Baad Paise La Dunga.
~~~~~
Champu – Doctor! Daily A Nightmare Bothered Me,
I Feel Like I ‘M Getting Married To Four Women.
Doctor – But What Is Bad In This Dream?,
Champu – If You Ever Make Food For Four Women, Then You Understand.
~~~~~
During New Admission
Teacher : Kya Tum Likh Padh Sakte Ho,
Santa : Sir Likh Skta Hu Par Padh Nahi Sakta,
Teacher : Lo Is Kagaz Par Apna Naam Likhkar Batao,
Student : Ne Page Pe Tedhi Medhi Crossing Krke Page De Diya,
Teacher : Gusse Mein, Ye Kya Likh Diya H Tumne,
Student : Maine Pehle Hi Kaha Tha Likh Skta Hu Padh Nahi Skta.
Funny SmS in Hindi for Whatsapp
Husband : Yaar Office Jana H Kahan Kab Tayar Hoga,
Wife : Smjh Nahi Aata Kya 1 Ghante Se Keh Rahi Hu,
Bas 5 In Aur Lagenge
~~~~~
Pati Aur Patni Ghum Rahe The,
Patni Ko Khaansi Aayi,
Pati : Tumhare Gale Ke Liye Kuch Loon Kya?
Patni : Haan Chota Hi Sahi Par Ek Haar Le Aao.
~~~~~
Ek Badsurat Aadmi Ek Ladki Ko Ghur Raha Tha,
Ladki Uske Pass Gayi,
Aap Apna Ek Photo Denge,
Kush Hote Hue Lekin Mere Photo Ka Aap Kya Karogi,
Ladki : Bacha Tang Kr Raha H Use Darana Hai.
~~~~~
Pati : Sunti Ho Pass Wale Sharma Ji Ka Ladka,
Aajkal Bahut Tarakki Kar Raha Hai,
Biwi : Wo Kaise Bhala,
Pati : Police Ne Usse Pakadkar Laane Ki Rakam Do Guni Kr Di.
~~~~~
Judge : Balatkar Ke Waqt Jab Wo Mooh Mein Dalne,
Ki Kosish Kr Raha Tha To Tumne Uske Aujaar Ko,
Daanto Se Kyu Nahi Kata.
Mahila : Mera Dharm Mujhe Iski Ijajjt Nahi Deta.
45+ Cool Funny Quotes in Hindi
New Secretry : Boss Mujhe Roj Kitne Ghante Baithna Padega.
Boss : Marji Aapki H Sath Wali Cabin Mein 8 Ghante,
Ya Mere Ghante Pe 80 Min.
~~~~~
Ek Chota Bacha Achanak Parents Ke Bedroom Mein Gaya.
Aur Waha Ka Nazara Dekh Ke Chillata Hua Bola,
Khud Jo Marji Aaye Chuso.
Aur Mujhe Anghuta Chusne Par Itna Marte Ho.
~~~~~
Bhari Bus Mein Ek Ladki Ke Piche Khade Ladke,
Ka Khada Aujaar Ladki Ko Chu Raha Tha,
Ladki Ne Uss Ladke Ko Jor Se Thppad Mara Aur Kaha.
Kamine Ko Khud Khade Hone Ko Jagah Nahi,
Tune Isko Bhi Khada Kr Rakha Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Ladki Pandit Se : Kya Mere Bhagya Mein,
Daulat Ki Lakeer Hai.
Pandit : Ha Aapke Paas Daulat Ki Do Lakeer Hai.
Ak Aage Ek Piche. Jisse Chahe Daulat Kamao.
~~~~~
Teacher : Isko English Mein Badlo.
Ladki Kapde Pehan Chuki Hai.
Student : Santa Ohh Shit, We Are Late.
~~~~~
Kamwali Ko Condom Mila
Kamwali : Malkin Ye Kya Hai.
Malkin : Tere Gaon Mein Pyar Nahi Krte Kya.
Kamwali : Karte To Hai.
Par Itna Bhi Nahi Ki Khol Hi Utar Jaaye.
Funny SmS and Jokes
Gabbar : 4 Goli Or Aadmi 2, Bahut Nainsafi Hai.
Sambha : Sardar Chutiya Mat Banao,
Koi Na Inssafi Nahi Hai. 2 Aadmio Ko 4 Hi Goli Hoti Hai.
~~~~~
Sunte Ho Aaj Bili Sara Dudh Pee Gayi.
Santa : Maine Kitni Baar Kaha Tha.
Nangi Mat Soya Kar
Aaj Billi Ne Dudh Piya H.
Kal Kahogi Kutta Ga0nd Maaar Gaya.
~~~~~
80 Saal Ka Budha (Viagra Ki Goli Lene
Ke Baad) Beta Ise Kiske Sath Lu.
Chemist : Ganga Jal Ke Sath,
Kya Pata Kushi Bardash Na Ho.
~~~~~
Hindi Teacher To Santa
Jao Board Pe Jaake Thand Likho.
Santa Board Pe Jakar. Chowk Uthaya Hai Say.
Thand Pe Bindi Waisi Hi Lagegi Jaisi L0nd Pe Lagti Hai.
~~~~~
Samlangik Nawab Ne Apne Aap Ko Sishe,
Mein Piche Dekhte Hue Arj Kiya Hai,
“Kya Kayamat Hai Kya Majburi Hai.
Pass Hokr Bhi Kitni Duri Hai”
~~~~~
Chidiya Ghar Mein Ek Bacha Hathi Ke
Gupt Ang Ko Dekh Kar Bola “Mummy Ye Kya Hai.
Mummy : Kuch Nahi Hai, Beta
Yeh Sun Kar Uska Baap Bola: Mujhe Pata Tha,
Teri Maa Ke Liye Ye Bhi Kuch Nahi Hai.
Funny SmS in Hindi
Ek Aadmi Accident Mein Apne Gupt Ang Gawa Baitha.
Dr Uski Patni Se : Ap Aapke Pati Ko Ghode,
Ya Kute Ka Gupt Ang Lagana Padega.
Patni : Aap Mere Pati Ko Ghode Ka Ang Laga Dijiye,
Kutta To Ghar Par Pehle Se Hi H.
~~~~~
Har Aurat Pyar Krne Ke Waqt Alag Sabd Bolti Hai,
Naukrani : Jaldi Karo Sahab Ji Malkin Aa Jayegi,
Padosan : Dhire Karo Kahi Awaaj Bahar N Chali Jaaye..
Premika : Thoda Aur Karo
Patni : Chat Mein Jaale Lag Gaye H Kal Nikalungi.
~~~~~
Ek Aadmi Apni Biwi Se Bahut Pyar Karta Tha.
Biwi Delivery K Liye Hospital Gayi To Wo Bola -Dr Saab,
Jitni Taklif Meri Biwi Ko Ho Rahi H,
Chahta Hu Utni Taklif Mujhe B Ho.
Dr Usse Delivery Room Me Le Gaya Aur
Delivery K Waqt Uske Tatte Biwi K Hath Me Pakda Diye
~~~~~
Accha Hua Pagli Tune Sirf Mera Dil Hi Toda,
Agar Meri Daaru Ki Bottle Todi Hoti To Teri Maacho De Ta.
~~~~~
Toheen Na Kar Sharab Ko Kadwa Keh Kar,
Jindagi Ke Tajurbe Sharab Se Bhi Kadwe Hote Hai,
Peenewale Mar Jate Hai Jawani Mein,
Hamne To ………………
Bujurgo Ko Jawan Hote Dekha Hai Maikhane Mein.
~~~~~
Girfriend : Mere Upar Bhi Koi Kavita Likho.
Boyfriend : Thik H Tu Kapde Nikal M Safed Syahi Se Likhta Hu.
Top 50 Funniest Jokes Ever of All Time
Ek Female : Dr Se Bolti H Koi Aisi Dawa Dijiye,
Jisse Mere Pati Ka Pathar Se Bhi Jyada Shakt Ho Jaaye.
Dr Gehra Saans Lete Hue Aapko Chudna Hai
Ya Masala Bhi Pisna Hai.
~~~~~~
Teacher Board Par Likh Rahi Thi,
Santa : Mam, Aapka Whisper Niche Gir Gaya,
Teacher Ne Darte Hue Niche Dekha Aur Kaha,
Kutte Ise Dustor Kehte Hai.
~~~~~
Teacher : Pappu Tum School Kyu Nahi Aaye,
Pappu : Mam, Meri 1 Hi Chaddi Hai Aur Wo Mummy Ne Dho Di Thi,
Esliye Parso Nahi Aaya Tha.
Teacher : Aur Kal Kyu Nahi Aaye.
Pappu : Kal M School Aane Ke Liye Nikla Tha.
Raste Mein Aapke Ghar Ke Bahar Dekha..
Aapki Chaddi Sukh Rahi Thi.
To Mujhe Laga Aap Bhi School Nahi Aayi Hongi. To M Wapis Chala Gaya.
~~~~~
Gurur Karti Hogi Tu Apne Gore Rang Pe,
Apni Jhango Ke Bich Dekh, Gurur Toot Jayega,
Kaali Rang Wali.
~~~~~
Haqim Aurat Ki Nabj Check Krte Hue : Aap Thik Ho,
Aapke Sohar Mein Hi Aulaad Na Paida Kr Paane Ka Nuksh Hai,
Aurat : Haqim Sahab, Chodne Ka Bahana Mat Banao.
Pure Mohalle Mein Hi Nuksh H Kya.
~~~~~
Hello : Mein Customer Care Se Deepika Aapki Kya Madad Kr Skti Hu.
Boy : Mam Hath Mein Chot Lagi H Hila Sako To Meharbani Hogi.
Funny SmS For GF in Hindi
Toothbrush Kitne Waqt Baad Retire Hota Hai.
Chinese : 1 Week
British : 2 Mahina
American : 3 Mahine
Bhartiye : India Mein Kabhi Retire Hi Nahi Hota.
Dr : Wo Kaise ? Proof Do.
Bhartiye : Indian Pehle Daant Saaf Krte Hai,
Fir Hair Color, Uske Baad Machine Saaf Krte Hai
Aur Baal Girne Lag Jaaye To Pajama Mein Nada Dalne Ke Kaam Aata Hai.
~~~~~
Police Santa Se : Tumne Bhikari Ko Kyu Mara?
Santa : Maine Ise Kitni Baar Bola Ki..
Main Aisa Waisa Aadmi Nahi Hu,
Fir Bhi Bolta Hai.
Ek Baar De De Baba.
~~~~~
Dost : Dadhi Rakha Kar Bhai. Accha Lagta Hai,
Maa : Shaving Kr Le. Jungli Kahi Ke.
After Shaving
Maa : Ab Insaan Lag Raha H Mera Beta
Dost : Chakka Lag Raha Hai Saale.
~~~~~
Boy 1 : What Are You Doing Bro.?
Boy 2 : Just Finished Lunch With Wife And Now Scotch…..
Boy 1 : Kya Baat Hai Bhai Kun Si Black Label Or Red Label
Boy 2 : Abhe Sale Scotch Brite Se Bartan Majne Ja Raha Hun.
~~~~~
Ek Din Sewak Ne Raja Ko Btaya Ki Rajya Mein,
Aap Ki Shakal Ka Ek Dobhi Rehta Hai.
Raja Ne Turant Use Darbar Mein Hajir Krne Ko Kaha.
Dobhi Darbar Mein Haajir Hota Hai.
Raja Dobhi Ko Dekh Kr Hasa Or Pucha.
“Kya Pehle Kabhi Tumhari Mata Ji Darbar Mein Kaam Krti Thi”
Dobhi : Ji Nahi Hujjur. Abba Hujur Krte The.
65 Funny Messages for Whatsapp in Hindi
Santo :- Tumhe Ye Chota Medal Kisliye Mila,
Banto :- Gaane Ke Liye,
Santo :- Aur Ye Bada Medal,
Banto : Gaana Band Karne Ke Liye.
~~~~~
Do Dost Ek Haseen Ladki Ko Dekh Rahe The,
Ek Bola – Iss Ladki Ke Figure Kitne Mast Hai Yaar,
Dusra Bola – Are Haan Yaar,
Figure Se Dhyan Aaya Teri Behan Kaisi Hai ??
~~~~~
Guru :- Kitni Buri Baat Hai Ke Tum,
Maar Khaakar Bhi Muskura Rahe Ho,
Chela :- Ap Hi Ne To Kaha Tha Ke Musibat,
Ka Samay Has Ke Taalna Chahiye.
~~~~~
Santo :- Kya Main 28 Saal Ki Lagti Hu ?
Santa :- Nahi, Lekin Jab Rahi Hogi Tab Jarur Lagti Hogi.
~~~~~
Pintu :- Papa Mera Homework Karwa Do,
Papa :- Are Mujhe To Jehar Khane Ki Fursat Nahi Hai,
Pintu :- Me Apke Liye Jehar Lata Hu,
Tab Tak Aap Mera Homework Kar Do.
~~~~~
Teacher Ne Pucha – Kaal Kitne Prakaar Ke Hote Hain,
Santa – Ji 5 Prakaar Ke,
Local Call, STD Call, ISD Call, Trunk Call Aur Sat Shri Akaal.
~~~~~
Train Me Sab So Rahe The Tabhi Ek,
Khoobsurat Ladki Jor Se Chikhi To Aawaj Goonji,
Thehro Mein Kapde Utaar Loon,
Sab Sawari Jaagkar Dekhne Lage.
Ladki Bag Se Kapde Nikal Rahi Thi.
Funny SmS of the Day In Hindi
Pati : Aji Suno Is Shishi Me Kaun Sa Tel Tha,
Patni : Isme To Gond Thi,
Pati :- Tabhi Meri Topi Sir Se Nahi Utar Rahi.
~~~~~
Are Bhai Tu Chammach Dhone Kyu Baith Gaya,
Ye Kaam To Hotel Walo Ka Hai,
Dhone De Na Yaar, Warna Jeb Kharab Ho Jaayegi.
~~~~~
Doctor Sahab Mujhe Koi Aisi Dawa Dijiye Ke Neend Na Aaye,
Kya Takleef Hai Jo Ulti Dawa Maang Rahe Ho ?,
Main Apni Patni Par Raat Din Najar Rakhna Chahta Hu.
~~~~~
Maa :- 16 Saal Ki Beti Ka School Bag Check Kar Rahi Thi,
Tabhi Achanak Use 1 Condom Mila,
Maa :- Sharm Nahi Aati Kya Jo Is Umar Me Bag Me Condom Rakhti Ho,
Beti :- To Kya Is Umar Me Maa Ban Jau. Aap Bhi Na Mom.
~~~~~
Patni – Agar Me Mar Jaaun To Tum Kya Karoge ?,
Pati :- Shayad Main Bhi Mar Jaaunga !
Patni :- Kyun ?
Pati :- Kabhi-Kabhi Jyaada Khushi Bhi Jaanleva Hoti Hai.
~~~~~
Machar Ne Kaha Insan Se – Na Maaro Hume Tum Jaan Se,
Jang Chid Jaayegi, Dushmani Badh Jaayegi,
Agar Aap Mein Junoon Hai,
To Hamari Ragon Me Bhi Aapka Hi Khoon Hai.