45+ Funny Text Messages for Friends in English

Funny Joke of The Day

The Lawyer Said The Businessman On Winning The Case –
Finally The Truth Has Won
It Was Sad To Hear The Dealer And Said – Oh,
Do So Early In The High Court Appeal

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The Lawyer ‘S Wife – Listen,
When Will You Bought Fridge And TV?
Everyone In The Neighborhood Have Both.
Lawyer – Do Patience A Few Days,
A Divorce Case Is In Hand,
Just As They Get Divorce,
I Will Bring You All Things.

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Chinki Tinku Was Lying Near,
She Said Tinku – I ‘M Going To Die Soon.
Tinku Said – If You Die, Then I Will Go Mad
Chinki – Then Go Crazy To Get Married
Tinku – Now I Could So Mad.

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A Landlord Was Very Upset With His Tenant,
Everyday Fights, Abuse Him,
Rent Did Not Meet On Time, Then Scolds.
Kiraydar Go To Landlord’s House One Day And
Giving Him A Bowl Of Milk And Said, – Drink Milk.
Landlord – I Was Reproaches, You’re Feeding Me ?
Tenant – Today Is Nag Panchami.

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Father – The Man Is Still Standing,
You Have Not Told Him That I Am Not At Home.
Son – Yes Dad, But He Will Not Agree.
Father – Yours Is Everything That Happens,
I Have To Tell Myself Go.

Very Funny Jokes In Hindi

A Woman To Her Friend – The More We Read,
The More You Know, The More You Know,
The More You Forget, And As Much You Forget,
As We Know Less Then What The Benefit From Reading.

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King (To Queen) – What Day I Will Die?
Queen – On Holiday
King – How
Queen – The Day Thay You Die,
All People Celebrate Holiday.

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An Actor (To Her GF) – Darling,
At The Scene Of My Death,
Audience Started Crying.
Girlfriend – The Probably Knew That
You Are Not Going To Die In Real.

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Husband – Just Give Up The Food , I ‘M Late?
Wife – But Rice Are Still Half Baked.
Husband – No Problem,
Give Half And The Other Half You Eat.

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Shopper To His Girlfriend – Look,
Not Buy Something From The Front Store Today.
Girlfriend – What Happened? He Is Very Honest.
Shopper – Yes He Is, But
Today For Weighing Our Weight Is Borrowed By Him.

Funny Text Messages For Crush

Little Tinki Was Crying,
Her Mother Said Giving Her Silent –
Tinki Son Would Not Cry, Crying Girls Become Ugly.
Tinki Immediately Became Quiet And Serious –
Mom, You Will Cry A Lot In Childhood.

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Tinku – Anjali, We’ll Keep Secret
About Our Marriage Now.
Anjali – Ok, But I Will Share This
With My Friend Rekha Because
She Says That Only A Fool Would Marry You.

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A Writer To His Girlfriend –
I Would Take One Year Time To Write A Novel.
Girlfriend – Do Not Waste Time In Vain,
Get 20-25 Rupees Written Novel From Market.

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Q – Tell Me The Names Of Two Seas ?
Banta – Ganga And Yamuna
Q – But These Rivers
Banta – What’s The Difference
Both Rivers Finally Goes To Sea.

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Madanapaal – Why Is It Your Forehead Bloated?
Polar – Yesterday Was Pappu’s Honeymoon!
Madanapaal – But From His Honeymoon,
What Is Relation Of Your Forehead Thrive ?
Polar – I Was Given Advice For Pappu Marriage.

55+ Comedy Status for Whatsapp and Facebook

An Old Wrestler Said – I Have The Same Strength
As Much Have In Younger Days.
Man – How’s That?
No – Look At That Stone,
I Raises It In My Youth And Still Raises,
But It Was Not Then, Not Now Picks.

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An Englishman Got Lost On An Island,
There’s A Girl Take Care Of Him. The Night
The Girl Fed Her Delicious Food,
The Other Night Girl Offered Him Drinking.
The Third Night He Bid – You Play With Me ?
Englishman Said Excited – Don’t Say You Have Football Here.

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Son – Mom, School Teacher Was Telling Us
That We Come In The World To Help Others.
Mother – Son Yesterday Ask To Your Teacher,
Then Why Were Other People In The World Are.

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Class Teacher Was Telling The Girls That
Single Flies Alone Gives A Million Eggs In Her Life.
Hearing This Rakhi Secretly Told To Pinky –
A Single Flie Gives Million Eggs,
How Many Will Give A Married Flies.

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Madanapaal Once Went To Ludhiana And Stayed In A Hotel.
Seeing Hotel Arrangements, Madanapaal Feel Sad And Said To Manager –
Who Will Get The Real Benefit If I Will Die In Your Hotel ?
Manager – It Will You Sir, You Will Not Have To Pay Our Bill.

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A King Rewarded Happily His Servant With A Bit Haggard Horse.
He Happily Took Horse To Home But The Horse Died That Night.
The Next Day The King Asked About The Horse, Servant Said –
I Like The Faster Horse I Do Not Saw So Faster Horse In My Life,
The Same Night He Went To The Other World From This World.

 Funny Text Messages for Friends

A Man Was Traveling In Haryana Roadways,
His 8 Year Old Son Was Sitting In His Lap.
A Beautiful Girl Climbed On The Bus At A Stop
And Came And Stood Close To That Man.
The Man Shot A Glance At The Girl And Said To His Son –
Pappu Got To Stand Up And Give Them Your Seat.

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A Wife Scolds Her Husband And Said
What Is The Benefit From Feeding Every Beggar Came To The Door ,
Some Are Not So Good In The House.
Husband – I Know , But I Think It Is Good To See That
There Is Someone Who Eat Food
Made By You Without Complaining.

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Daily Thief ‘S Wife Fights With Husband For Money,
Finally Tired Husband Said – Bagwan, Stop The Fight,
After Closure Of The Bank ‘Ll Bring All The Money.

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When I ‘Ll Take My Girlfriend To Show The Film,
Then He Says That She Did Not See Any Man Like Me.|
But You Also Have To Show Her That The Zoo Or Not.

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On A Platform In London, A Wife Complained To,
Her Husband – See How Other Husbands,
From Their Wives Are Happy. So Many Days Later,
I Returned From My Mother’s House And You,
Have Not Kissed Me Yet.
Husband – Because That Is What You Have,
Come To Me While Their Wives Are Being Going.

45+ Non Veg Jokes and Dirty Chutkule of the Day

Kamla – Did You Hear Something ? Last Night Our,
Neighbor Mina Had Put A Noose Around Her Neck And Hanging,
Mungeelal – Poor Mina,
Kamla – But Her Husband Fled Saved Him At The Last Time.
Mungeelal – Poor Husband.

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A Man Beat His Wife.
His Wife Complained To Her Father.
After Hear Her Father Beat Her And Say,
Said To Son -In-Law,
He Beaten Up My Daughter So I Took Revenge Beating His Wife.

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Father – Son Who Is The Smartest In Your Class ?
Son – Dad Karisma,
Father – How’s That?
Son – She Cheat The Exam So Cleanly,
That No One Can Caught Her While Cheating.

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Weddings Late Blown Speakers Involved Harassment,
Of Some Students, They Went To Netaji.
Netaji Poor Confused, He Did Not Want To Offend Anyone.
After Thinking He Directed – Silencer
Should Be Fitted Into The The City ‘S Loud Speakers.

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Wife – Just A Teaspoon Of Sugar Lying At Home,
And You Saying Make Tea For Your Friend.
Husband – You Do Not Put Sugar In My Tea,
Just Give A Kiss, Tea Will Automatically Become Sweet.
Wife – Good Idea, I Will Not Put Sugar In Both Cups.

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Santo – My Husband Come Home Too Late Daily.
Banto – Then Rebuked Them Up , He Will Be Cured.
Santo – Rebuke On When? When I Arrive Home,
So They Are Sleeping.

Funny Text Messages In English

Lalu – You Tell Us The Truth,
Would You Have Betrayed Us Many Times ?
Rabri – Three Times
Lalu – How Often.
Rabri – When Your Heart Surgery Was, Then To The Doctor,
Then When You Went To Jail, Then To Judge,
Lalu – And The Third Time?
Rabri – When The Government Had To Make Sure You Have 76 MLA Less.

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A Person Has To Wander In A Desert Town,
He Want To Get Cut Down His Beard,
There Was A Barber, As He Spit On The Soap,
The Person Panicked And Said – What Is All This ?
Barber Spoke Of Great Simplicity – Sir,
You Have Come To The City,
So I Spit On The Soap Or Else We Make Spit On Mouth.

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A Teacher Excited The Girls To Buy A Group Photo,
He Bid – After Years You Will Remember Seeing It,
It Is Kanta Which Now Has Become The Mother Of Three Children,
It Is Saroj Now Settled In London,
It Is Radha Her Husband Is A Merchant.
He Was Speaking Ahead Of A Girl Speaks Before
It Was Our Madame Who Died 5 Years Ago.

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Tinku Came Home Crying, Mother Asked,
Why Are You Crying ?
Tinku Takes Hiccups Has Said,
Master Taught Us Having A Book In Hand,
And If We Do Not Remember Orally, They Beat Us.

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Son With His Father Seeing The Zoo,
When Arrived In Front Of The Lion’s Cage Was Thinking,
Father Said – What Are You Thinking ?
Son Replied – I ‘M Wondering If The Lions Eat You Out,
By Which Bus I Have To Go Home.

40+ Santa Banta Jokes in Hindi

The Husband Returned Home At Three In The Afternoon,
Surprised Wife Asked – What Happened Today,
How Come So Soon?
Husband – Today Boss Scolded Me On My,
Mistakes And Said Go To Hell, So I Came Home.

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During Test Match,
Dhoni Ask Ishant Sharma Took The Bottle Of Pepsi.
He Brought The Bottle But Instead Dhoni Gave Kohli.
Dhoni – Why Him ?
Ishant – To Open, He Is Opener, Right!

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The Two Soldiers Were Arguing Among Themselves.
First Sardar – What Do You Think You Are ?
You Big Stupid, I Did Not See Like You In The World.
Second Sardar – Take A Look Into Mirror At Your House, Will Be Seen.

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Servant – Madame Does Not Get Anyone At Home,
And This Time She Could Not Find It Because She Is Taking A Bath.
Man – Wow! It Is Also A Good Chance,
Go Tell A Salesman Came From Soap Company.

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Seth Was Talking To A Friend On The Phone,
Seth’s Friend Ask For 5 Thousand Rupees.
Worth Listening Seth Pretending Voice To Be Not,
Coming Clear Voice And Screaming Said,
Your Voice Is Not Coming Just Speak Up.
A Man Was Listening To Seth,
He Said – Are You Deaf ? Can Not You Hear Him,
He Needs 5 Thousand.
Seth Said Angrily – I Can Not Hear, If You Then Give Him.

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Rinku – When My Father Went To Picture,
Hall Then Gate Only Opens.
Sonu – Then Is Your Father Manager ?
Rinku – No, He Is Gate Keeper

Funny Text Messages Between Couples

Sunilpal Traveling Without A Ticket In Train,
TT When Asked, He Refused For Tickets.
The TT Forcibly Dragging The Sunilpal In Midway.
Sunilpal With His Bag Walked Off On The Same Track,
On Which The Train Was To Go Ahead.Train Driver,
Saw Him And Played Horn. Sunilpal Stopped,
And Turned And Said – No Matter Will Now Take The City Rang,
I Will Not Come Back Why Before Lowered.

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Pappu – Mom, Why The Hair Are Not On The Head Of Dad?
Mother – Because They Are Intelligent.
Pappu – Mom, Why Is Your Hair So Big ?
Mother – Bcoz … Out Of Here And Do Your Studies.

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Wife – You Know That I Do Not Even Know,
How To Ignite The Stove Even,
Why You Said I’ll Make The Food Very Good.
Husband – After all,
The Wedding Was Supposed To Be Some Reason.